I did decide that I wanted to write more about my dad, to write about his legacy for me. For the most part, getting on with life this year has been pretty smooth. At home, we've worked through those tough times when we have to figure out what to do about the plugged pipes, broken water heater or the gardening-the things dad used to do. Or when I was accepted into the English Honor's Society-even mom said how proud dad would have been. These things haven't been the most difficult parts of my dad's legacy. I look at the rose garden outside and smile and be glad that dad taught me how to prune roses. I know my dad would tell me to keep living, and keep studying. All for God's Glory, treasures in heaven, he would say.
For me, the most difficult part of dad's legacy is church. Don't get me wrong, I love my church home. I am so glad that I had the task of picking up grandma for church every Sunday for the first 6 months after dad died. I needed to learn to embrace being where he was, at church, where his hand has touched almost every inch of that building and all of the people, my church family. For a long time when I would hear something in the sermon that reminded me of my dad, I'd shed a tear. Or when someone would tell me a story about my dad, we'd both get choked up, but this is how it's supposed to be. I need to embrace that too.
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| Dad, me and my little sister Jen. I haven't found a music photo yet. |
The hardest part about being at church is the music.
You see, the biggest legacy my dad left me is music. You may not know this about my dad--not only did he perform in musicals when he was in high school, but for many years, he sang in the church choir. When I was very young, I remember hearing his voice boom while singing what we would now call "the old hymns," like "Amazing Grace," "Old Rugged Cross," and "How Great Thou Art." He loved to sing and he passed that great love down to me.
I remember dad singing all the time and I would sing with him. Our family would take long road trip vacations and we would sing on our long drives. One of dad's favorite stories to tell is how many times we sang "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and "Jingle Bells" all throughout the year. We couldn't help it-my sister and I LOVED those songs!
After sitting at the dinner table our family would sing a song before praying for our dinner. The song would switch from "The Doxology" or "The Johnny Appleseed" song. I loved both of those songs.
Christmas time at our house was joyous. We sang all the Christmas carols continuously, night and day and dad would lead all of the songs.
Dad imparted his love for music on all of his children. My sister and I took piano lessons. I didn't like it, but Jen did. In high school, all 4 of us kids were involved in the music program. I in choir, John in band and Jen and Joel in orchestra. Jen is an accomplished bassist, and married a wonderful man who has a Phd in music. This legacy of music even has a strong hold on his grandchildren-all of them have been involved in music in some way, shape or form. My son, Ethan, is a music major in college. Dad's love of music has permeated every inch of this family and my heart.
I love worship time during the church service. Singing praises to God, thanking Jesus for his wonderful gift of eternal life-my heart soars, especially when I'm singing in the choir. This past year, while my heart heals from dad's passing, singing in church has usually brought me to tears. I didn't sing in choir this year because I knew I would just be a tearful mess. It has been getting easier as time passes, but when we sing one of those old hymns, or the Doxology (Praise God from whom all blessing flow...) I hear my dad's booming voice and his legacy rings loud and clear in my ears, and in my heart and my eyes well up in overflowing tears.
As you read in my last blog, it does take time. Time to heal and time to recover. Dad's legacy of the love for music is burned in my heart and the voice God gave me (Oh I boom out those songs, but I'm really not that great, trust me). It is in God's comfort and love for me that I embrace dad's legacy and know that it is okay if I'm still a little teary-eyed when I sing those wonderful songs and remember the joy Dad received from singing, hearing, loving and enjoying music.
Here's a youtube video of the Doxology:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=levjTDnb1zM
