Being a father

Has it really been 4 years since dad passed away? It's hard to believe that so much time has gone by. Sure, the grieving and missing him gets easier with time, but when I look back, it just doesn't seem like it has been 4 years. Then I think about it, and I have a moment where I really miss dad. So, on the anniversary of his going home to spend eternity singing praises to Jesus, I'm writing about him.

You know, all four of us kids would agree that dad was a great dad. But we weren't the only ones who thought this. Throughout his life and ministries, he made an impact on many lives--young and old. His lasting impact was that of a Godly man and a wonderful father figure to many.

It's something I learned from him: how to be a father. You see, the boys and I moved in with my folks almost 15 years ago. I will always be grateful for the help I received from both of my parents in raising my boys, but the role my dad played in my boys' lives will always be cherished. He (along with my brother Joel) was the first man to teach my boys that they need to respect me because not only was I their mom, but I was his daughter and deserved honor and respect.

Then I had the humbling experience of having my dad teach me that I had to be their father. At one point dad and I argued about how to handle a discipline issue with Nathaniel. Dad pretty much got in my face and told me if I didn't get tough and stand up to Nathaniel, that he would. I didn't want to be tougher than nails and fight with my son. I wanted to just make it better, but I also didn't want my dad showing me up--dad's threat really pissed me off. I was gonna show him and be tough. I realized that there were times I would have to set the rules and stand firm, on my own, in the dual role of mother and father--I couldn't let anyone take that from me, not even my dad. There were many times that I took my dad's cue in dealing with my boys, and ask my dad to back me up. It was worth it.

Now, don't get me wrong. I know how blessed I was to have my dad around. I had support in a way that most single parents don't have, and those single parents don't have someone to fall back on in helping them play that dual role. I also know that both moms and dads can be tough, but it helps if someone's got your back. My heart aches for those parents who are doing it alone. And I know how it feels to do the parenting thing alone even when the other parent is there.

But thanks to my dad, I learned how to be a father. Thanks to the role he played in my sons' lives, and even my daughter's, their lives will be forever impacted. So will mine.

You gotta take what you can get!

A friend of mine said this to me in a conversation about men. It has been a point of contention between us for a long time.

Take what you can get, or settle for something--anything--because it is better than nothing, and happiness just is not a factor.  And be happy with it, even if it  means less than true happiness.

Believe me, I understand this concept completely. I am an adult and, thanks to the life experiences we all have, I know that feeling of just accepting what I can get and trying to be happy with it.

But don't I deserve to be truly happy? Don't we all? Some of us, rather, most of us don't believe we deserve to be happy. And you know what? We are absolutely correct--we don't deserve to be truly happy.

Think about it--we humans are horrible! We value power, greed and self-fulfillment. We hurt each other, pervert each other, and are willing to kill each other to promote our own agendas.

Yes, I know I am over-generalizing here. I know that there are inherent good people out there and I consider myself a good person: I love Jesus and pray and want to do the right thing. However, I am human and I have sinned, and I have harbored ill-will in my heart. There is no way that I deserve to be happy.

Here's the thing though: I still want it. I don't want to take what I can get.

And guess what: My heavenly father--I think He wants me to be happy. How do I know? Oh, I'm sure there's a bible verse--or 2 or 3--that shows this, but think about it from a parental stand point: I raised 3 kids and there were times when I was so frustrated as a parent that I didn't even feel that my children deserved to be on this planet! But I love my kids, I cherish them, and as much as we went through, I want them to be happy with their lives. I want them to pursue their dreams and be happy in whatever lives they choose to have. And my kids--they want me to be happy too.

As much as I don't deserve to be happy, I think God, my heavenly Father, loves me so much that He wants me to be happy. Happy in serving Him, happy in my career choices and pursuing my dreams, and happy in my relationships.

I don't have to take what I can get. I have experienced something wonderful, something that made me happy, something that made me realize my own worth. Because of that, if I just settle, or take what I can get, then I get in God's way of His plan for my life.

And I have been praying about that a lot lately.