Being a father

Has it really been 4 years since dad passed away? It's hard to believe that so much time has gone by. Sure, the grieving and missing him gets easier with time, but when I look back, it just doesn't seem like it has been 4 years. Then I think about it, and I have a moment where I really miss dad. So, on the anniversary of his going home to spend eternity singing praises to Jesus, I'm writing about him.

You know, all four of us kids would agree that dad was a great dad. But we weren't the only ones who thought this. Throughout his life and ministries, he made an impact on many lives--young and old. His lasting impact was that of a Godly man and a wonderful father figure to many.

It's something I learned from him: how to be a father. You see, the boys and I moved in with my folks almost 15 years ago. I will always be grateful for the help I received from both of my parents in raising my boys, but the role my dad played in my boys' lives will always be cherished. He (along with my brother Joel) was the first man to teach my boys that they need to respect me because not only was I their mom, but I was his daughter and deserved honor and respect.

Then I had the humbling experience of having my dad teach me that I had to be their father. At one point dad and I argued about how to handle a discipline issue with Nathaniel. Dad pretty much got in my face and told me if I didn't get tough and stand up to Nathaniel, that he would. I didn't want to be tougher than nails and fight with my son. I wanted to just make it better, but I also didn't want my dad showing me up--dad's threat really pissed me off. I was gonna show him and be tough. I realized that there were times I would have to set the rules and stand firm, on my own, in the dual role of mother and father--I couldn't let anyone take that from me, not even my dad. There were many times that I took my dad's cue in dealing with my boys, and ask my dad to back me up. It was worth it.

Now, don't get me wrong. I know how blessed I was to have my dad around. I had support in a way that most single parents don't have, and those single parents don't have someone to fall back on in helping them play that dual role. I also know that both moms and dads can be tough, but it helps if someone's got your back. My heart aches for those parents who are doing it alone. And I know how it feels to do the parenting thing alone even when the other parent is there.

But thanks to my dad, I learned how to be a father. Thanks to the role he played in my sons' lives, and even my daughter's, their lives will be forever impacted. So will mine.