Happy Birthday Disneyland!

Today is a big day in Disney history. If you haven't heard the news already, Disneyland celebrates 60 years of making magic for all who enter the gates.

I love Disneyland. In fact, I love it so much that I have been working there for almost 3 years. It is not everyone that can say they enjoy their job and look forward to going everyday, but I count myself as one of the blessed ones that expresses that I love my job. I remember going to the interview 3 years ago and saying to the recruiter, "There are many reasons that Disneyland means so much to my family and me, deep-rooted reasons that would take way too much time to express, but the happy memories..."

The boys and I had annual passes for years, and we loved coming into the park for a few hours to go on a few rides, eat a burger and play video games at the Starcade (ok, they played, I shopped). And I have said this several times to cast members, especially those in leadership roles. I don't share those memories because they're long stories, and bring tears to my eyes and well...that would just be awkward (not like I get teary-eyed enough!) So, I'll share a pivotal memory here with you.

It was a sunny day and the boys (then 10 and 13) and I were enjoying the day at Disneyland (of course). At the time, the boys and I had lived with my folks for more than a year and going to Disneyland was a great opportunity for us to spend time together as a little family. On this occasion, we decided to take a ride on the train to the other side of the park, and of course, their conversation turned to their dad. The week before this trip, I made one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made--to divorce their dad, and I hadn't told them yet.

Mind you, I had not at all planned to tell them while we were having a happy time, but the opportunity just presented itself. I don't even remember who mentioned it first--something about being married and I just very carefully, with as much love and care that I could muster while on the train...at Disneyland... told them that I was getting a divorce.

Needless to say our train ride lasted a little longer than planned, but we talked. They asked questions, they were not surprised, but sad. I reassured them that I was not leaving them (that's what they were worried about) and that we needed to keep praying for their dad. Then we got off the training, and held hands as we entered Pirates of the Caribbean.

This memory became the catalyst for many memories with my boys. From then on, we took many train rides, or walked through 45-minute wait lines because it gave us a chance to talk about stuff. We talked about school, puberty, living with grandma and papa, and eventually we even talked about my decision to start dating again. Disneyland gave us a place that was neutral, safe and comforting to help us deal with many of life's ups and downs. And even just to spend time together as a family.

The boys gave up their annual passes when Nathaniel finished high school. Ethan was beginning high school and the teenage boys were just too cool to go to Disneyland with mom, but we did go on one visit right before their passes expired. Sure enough, the boys suggested we take a train ride, just to relax and chat. And we did. All the way around the park. I don't even remember what we talked about, but I know we laughed and enjoyed each other's company. Now, more than anything, I am grateful that those train rides are memories that I can cherish for the rest of my life.

Big Five-Oh!

I have been in denial for almost an entire year. How could I be 50 this year? How? 

No, I couldn't admit it. Never. I will never be 50. Never. 

How about I just start lying about my age? I'll just tell everyone I'm 39, like my grandma did. Hey, it worked for her, I think. I had a conversation with my grandma right before I turned 40. She reminded me that I was happier at 40 than I was at 30. That got me thinking...

What if I embrace this whole turning 50 thing? What's different now than, say, 10 years ago? 

Well, let's see: Smile lines, crow's feet, a touch of arthritis in my wrists and ankles. That's the details, the little pictures. 

But the big picture: I weigh 20 pounds less than I did 10 years ago. My running and workouts help my arthritis. And I may have a few small wrinkles but I still get pimples. 

The thing is, I looked better and was happier at 40 than at 30. The other day, I found a photo of me at the age of 40 and you know what? I look better now and I am way healthier and happier than when I was 40. 

I'm showing off. I know. But hey-this is my blog and that's the point--to give me an opportunity to be narcissistic and show off. 

Look, I'm not looking for a pat on the back-truly. I am a work in progress. I still have 20 pounds to lose before I am at a healthy weight and this 20 pounds has kicked my butt! I've been trying to lose this last 20 pounds for over 6 months and it all just won't go. 

My point is that I just need to keep going. Keep working at it. And keep living. 

The cool thing is that it looks like I got the "young genes" from my mom. When I was in college no one would believe she was my mom-she looks too young! She still has a youthful look about her. And I've already had a few people say, "You're gonna be 50?" NO WAY!"

So, here's to embracing the Big Five-Oh!