10 Years

Exactly 10 years ago today I made the most difficult, painful and heart-breaking decision I've ever made in my entire life. I ended my marriage. I'm not even sure why I need to share this, and I'm not going into why the marriage ended, my feelings on divorce, what it does to a family, blah, blah, blah. We've all heard it. What I will share is what I have learned:

1) Psalm 147:3-"He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds." Yes, God heals. I read this verse about 3 months after the split up and cried out and thanked God that He IS there to comfort me, to give peace to a heart full of turmoil, and realized that healing takes time. It is still my favorite verse.

2) Relationships are NOT about what you will get out them, it's about what you give to them. I know what  I have to offer as a mother, daughter, auntie, friend, teacher, grandmother, girlfriend and wife. I give everything I'm capable of, what God gives me the ability to give. I could get psychological and talk about boundaries, etc...but that's not the point.

3) Forgiveness is not the act of the one who needs to be forgiven, it's the act of the one who needs to forgive. Does that make sense? Think about it: God gave us the gift of Jesus Christ-He died on the cross for our sins, rose again. He died and lives so that we may be forgiven and live in Heaven. He forgave us before we even asked for it. All we have to do is accept the forgiveness. And if God has forgiven my sins, forgiven me of every stupid, crazy, horrible thing I've ever done, or thought of doing, then tell me how... HOW can I not forgive others? Even before they ask for forgiveness? Yes, even BEFORE they apologize. Many years ago, when that hit me between the eyes, when I made the conscious choice to forgive, it felt like this humongous burden of bitterness and anger was lifted. Remember, it's an active choice-sometimes a choice I had to remind myself of every single minute of the day. I didn't say it was easy.

There's more, but it's late and I'm hoping the above doesn't read like gibberish. I could share about raising 2 boys, communication, honesty, trust, letting go...but then this would take forever. Maybe later. I leave with this: I have this card framed in my room. The picture is of a girl at a crossroads and the heading reads: "Don't Look Back." I took that to read "Look Forward" and I hope I still do. A friend use to say "past is past is past." It's behind me. Yes, there's repercussions, consequences, but I can face those, and move forward wiser, better, with God, hope, and wonderful family and friends by my side.