Almond Belgian Waffles

I woke up this morning craving waffles, but not just any waffles. Waffles, after all, are really not a substantial meal. Then I had a thought: What would happen if I ground up almonds and put that in the batter? At first I thought I'd just add it to a waffle recipe in one of my cookbooks. Except, I don't have eggs, buttermilk or vegetable oil. So, I decided to substitute and experiment. I already knew how to make a buttermilk substitute (at least 1 tablespoon of lemon per 1 cup of milk-lemon is better than vinegar, trust me) and thanks to my mom, there's egg substitute in the fridge. Oh, and I used butter instead of oil. So here's what I came up with:

Squeeze the juice out of 1 lemon into a large measuring cup, then add enough milk (I used whole milk) to measure 2 1/2 cups of liquid. Stir and let stand while measuring other ingredients, or at least 5 minutes.
1 1/2 cups of finely ground raw unsalted almonds (I pulverized about 2 cups of raw almonds in my food processor-it should look like bread crumbs)
2 1/2 cups flour (begin with 2 cups and add a little more if batter isn't thick enough)
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons sugar
3/4 cup butter, mostly melted (1 minute in the microwave-it's ok if there's still pieces of butter left)
1/2 cup egg substitute (make sure you've shaken the carton before you pour so the egg stuff is frothy)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Mix dry ingredients and ground almonds together, then add all other ingredients and whisk until thoroughly mixed. Batter should be thick, not runny. Add a little bit more flour if necessary. Measure and poor onto belgian waffle iron, bake and enjoy!

I ate them plain and they were simply luscious! Ethan put syrup on his and even he couldn't eat enough! I also think these waffles would be good with a butter that has a bit of honey whipped into it.

The great thing about this blog: I can edit this later if I decide to try real eggs and buttermilk-stay tuned!

My Dad's legacy

My dad passed away one year ago today. I thought about doing some kind of dinner, or something for my family, but I didn't see the point. Plus I'm almost done with summer school and I have a mountain of homework to do. I think having all this homework right now is a good thing-keeps me focused on life and not on other stuff.

I did decide that I wanted to write more about my dad, to write about his legacy for me. For the most part, getting on with life this year has been pretty smooth. At home, we've worked through those tough times when we have to figure out what to do about the plugged pipes, broken water heater or the gardening-the things dad used to do. Or when I was accepted into the English Honor's Society-even mom said how proud dad would have been. These things haven't been the most difficult parts of my dad's legacy. I look at the rose garden outside and smile and be glad that dad taught me how to prune roses. I know my dad would tell me to keep living, and keep studying. All for God's Glory, treasures in heaven, he would say.

For me, the most difficult part of dad's legacy is church. Don't get me wrong, I love my church home. I am so glad that I had the task of picking up grandma for church every Sunday for the first 6 months after dad died. I needed to learn to embrace being where he was, at church, where his hand has touched almost every inch of that building and all of the people, my church family. For a long time when I would hear something in the sermon that reminded me of my dad, I'd shed a tear. Or when someone would tell me a story about my dad, we'd both get choked up, but this is how it's supposed to be. I need to embrace that too.

Dad, me and my little sister Jen.
I haven't found a music photo yet.

The hardest part about being at church is the music.

You see, the biggest legacy my dad left me is music. You may not know this about my dad--not only did he perform in musicals when he was in high school, but for many years, he sang in the church choir. When I was very young, I remember hearing his voice boom while singing what we would now call "the old hymns," like "Amazing Grace," "Old Rugged Cross," and "How Great Thou Art." He loved to sing and he passed that great love down to me.

I remember dad singing all the time and I would sing with him. Our family would take long road trip vacations and we would sing on our long drives. One of dad's favorite stories to tell is how many times we sang "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and "Jingle Bells" all throughout the year. We couldn't help it-my sister and I LOVED those songs!

After sitting at the dinner table our family would sing a song before praying for our dinner. The song would switch from "The Doxology" or "The Johnny Appleseed" song. I loved both of those songs.

Christmas time at our house was joyous. We sang all the Christmas carols continuously, night and day and dad would lead all of the songs.

Dad imparted his love for music on all of his children. My sister and I took piano lessons. I didn't like it, but Jen did. In high school, all 4 of us kids were involved in the music program. I in choir, John in band and Jen and Joel in orchestra. Jen is an accomplished bassist, and married a wonderful man who has a Phd in music. This legacy of music even has a strong hold on his grandchildren-all of them have been involved in music in some way, shape or form. My son, Ethan, is a music major in college. Dad's love of music has permeated every inch of this family and my heart.

I love worship time during the church service. Singing praises to God, thanking Jesus for his wonderful gift of eternal life-my heart soars, especially when I'm singing in the choir. This past year, while my heart heals from dad's passing, singing in church has usually brought me to tears. I didn't sing in choir this year because I knew I would just be a tearful mess. It has been getting easier as time passes, but when we sing one of those old hymns, or the Doxology (Praise God from whom all blessing flow...) I hear my dad's booming voice and his legacy rings loud and clear in my ears, and in my heart and my eyes well up in overflowing tears.

As you read in my last blog, it does take time. Time to heal and time to recover. Dad's legacy of the love for music is burned in my heart and the voice God gave me (Oh I boom out those songs, but I'm really not that great, trust me). It is in God's comfort and love for me that I embrace dad's legacy and know that it is okay if I'm still a little teary-eyed when I sing those wonderful songs and remember the joy Dad received from singing, hearing, loving and enjoying music.

Here's a youtube video of the Doxology:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=levjTDnb1zM

Instant Coffee

I love coffee. Coffee is a wonderful thing. The smell of the bean, the smell and taste of fresh brewed coffee-ahhhh...it's just divine. I even enjoy the different ways of brewing coffee. Right now I have 2, no um....5 different coffee makers: percolators, auto drip, french press, espresso maker, oh and one of those fancy Keurig things-so fun. I think my favorite cup is from the perc-it just brews a full-bodied cup of coffee.

Then there's instant. Oh, there are some good instant coffees out there, but...well...I'm sorry, but it just isn't the same as a fresh brewed cup of coffee. Coffee is definitely worth the wait!

Now you're wondering what in the world am I getting at-instant coffee is not that big of a deal. Sure, it may not be the best cup of coffee, but when I'm in a pinch, and want that coffee right now, instant is great when I don't want to wait. But is getting what I want instantly really worth it? Am I truly satisfied with instant coffee? I don't know about you, but I am never satisfied with instant coffee.

What about all the other "instant" stuff? You know, you've heard the terms. Let's see, there's "Instant gratification." Yeah right. Look, I'm not a psychiatrist, or a philosopher and getting too profound just makes my head hurt, but from what I can see-or what my life experiences have taught me is that instant gratification (or being gratified by a want or need or desire instantly) is rarely (dare I say never) fully gratifying. In fact, all that instant gratification does is make you want more, make you more dissatisfied, and (dare I say) make you act like a spoiled brat when you don't get what you want right now!

Then there's the term "Instant Intimacy." I almost laugh when I see this because there's no such thing. Sure, it's happened. You jump into something way too fast, get way too deep, then freak out and it all falls apart. In fact, when you're swept into searching for any kind of intimacy in an instant, you end up dissatisfied. There is the argument that it can work, it can develop into something wonderful and long lasting, but the point is LOOOONNNG! It takes time to develop. It takes time to learn to communicate, work and get along. It also takes time to heal.

That's how I know that the whole "instant" thing doesn't work. We humans can't heal, or grieve instantly. We can't just shed a few tears and be over it. We can't just put a bandage on it and be recovered. It rarely (dare I say never) works.

Today (other than it's my daughter's birthday and I mention her in my blog from Valentine's day so look back and you can read more about Jennifer) is a huge day for my family. One year ago my dad had his surgery to remove part of his pancreas. He had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. While my dad was in surgery, my sister was at her doctor's office being told she has breast cancer. My dad died from complications of the surgery. My sister has finished treatment and is in recovery.

I have learned that grieving is a long process. It is different for everybody, but it is most definitely long. (Dare I say) No one, not anyone, absolutely no one can grieve instantly. It takes time. Sure, maybe it's a year or two, or maybe 10 years or longer, but it is a process that we must go through, and if we don't, we just make it harder for ourselves to live. Sure, we want to just make it go away, or get over it, fix it, but we can't fix grief. We'll have those moments when we're ok, but we'll also have those moments when we aren't and we must let it work through. Healing is the same. Especially with cancer. Jen went through 6 months of chemo, 6 weeks of radiation and is about to have her 2nd surgery. There's just not a magic pill that she can take to get over this. She had to go through the healing process. She's still going through it. We all are.  Right now we all wish my dad was here for Jen. For all of us. So we work through it together and love on my sister.

It was this epiphany about grief and healing that got me thinking about how we humans just aren't made to have things happen instantly. Everything about life: growing up, learning, loving, working, etc...all takes time. When we try to circumvent that and make things happen instantly, it eventually just doesn't work. We're dissatisfied, or spoiled brats or just mentally messed up.

So now what? Go brew a nice cup of perc'd coffee and I thank God that He's given me what I need to live, love, grow, learn, grieve and heal.

What if...

Did you know there was such a thing as the Shakespeare Institute where you can go and study Shakespeare and Renaissance Literature AND get a Master's degree in Shakespeare studies? Oh my goodness!!! (She says with arms flailing and an excited expression on her face.)

If you and I have had a conversation about how my classes are going this semester, then I have said this to you. I know I have promised you an update on how school is going and I am sorry that this is a little on the late side. After all, the semester is over in a little more than a month. It has been a good semester. I am taking 15 units-5 classes and so far the load has been not only manageable, but enjoyable as well.

Three of my classes are British literature classes: Elizabethan (16th century) poetry and prose, Shakespeare and Chaucer (Canterbury Tales). I have enjoyed British lit for many years, after becoming a fan of Jane Austen when Ethan was in Kindergarten so it's been...more than 15 years now. All 3 of these classes share one major reason why I love British lit so much: The time it takes to read it. Most of the time I don't even understand it, but this seems to add to the beauty of it. Particularly the Renaissance period. I have realized that I have a passion and love for classic British lit-that it speaks to me in a way that makes me feel alive. The history, the complexity, the tedious time it takes to get through it. This kind of literature has also helped me to learn to enjoy the middle of a story, to get lost in the characters, the settings, the plots and taught me that a story is not always about the ending.

So now do you understand my excitement to learn about the Shakespeare Institute in Stratford upon Avon (Shakespeare's birthplace), UK? Since I have been at CSU Fullerton, I have considered what I would do when I graduate. I want to eventually teach high school English and Adult education, most definitely, but I have realized that it may not necessarily be what I'm supposed to do right away. In fact, since last year, I've been considering the "what if's". What if I go to Japan, or China, or Korea, or Africa and teach English? (this was planted by my grammar prof last semester).

OR what if I go to England for a year and study the stuff that makes my heart skip a beat AND get a Master's in it? Plus add to that the fact that the Director of the Shakespeare Institute was in my class a few weeks ago AND my professor introduced me to him!!! Oh my goodness!!! AND he answered all of my questions!!! AND they let old people go there!!! OH MY GOODNESS!!! Just the thought of going to England and studying Shakespeare FOR A WHOLE YEAR just makes my heart jump and brings tears to my eyes! What IF this is what I'm supposed to do after I graduate next December?

What if???

So, last week I told my boys that I have decided to pursue this. To seriously make it my goal to apply and go to the Shakespeare Institute after I graduate. They both think it's a great idea. AND I have been praying about it since the beginning of the semester.

Right now, where I will be a year from now is really up in the air. I could still be at CSU Fullerton working on my credential, or applying to teach overseas, or getting ready to go to England, but I know what I want to do. I want to go to England. I want to immerse myself in British Literature. I want my heart to speak, to soar, to learn more about what I love.

For the next year, my life will be all about the "What if's".

My first recipe: Chili

I love cooking. Cooking relaxes me. When I used to work 10-12 hours a day I could still come home and cook dinner for my family. If I get really stressed out I'll look for a new recipe to try-that's usually baking. It helps me focus, think, unwind. For me, working in the kitchen is the easiest part of my life. Even if it takes all day to make, I still look at it as easy and fun. Just as I derive pleasure from going to Disneyland, cooking is another pleasing activity for me. 

So, for the first time ever, I made chili for 30 people. I had a blast! A few people asked for the recipe, so I thought I'd blog it and send it out while it's still fresh in my memory. See, when I cook, I usually start with a recipe, but I have a tendency to stray from the recipe and wing it and that's what happened this time.

Here you go:

3 lbs. ground turkey

3 lbs. ground italian sausage

3-4 tablespoons of olive oil

4 onions, chopped

5-6 stalks of celery with leaves, chopped (I used the middle stalks so they were kinda small, and they had all the leaves-keep the leaves! They render a beautiful aroma when you're sautéing the vegetables-trust me!)

3 green bell peppers, chopped

2 red bell peppers, chopped

lots of garlic (ok, I used garlic from a jar-it was a squeeze jar so I put in 2 squirts in each batch)

1 can diced jalapeño

1 can diced green chiles

6-7 tablespoons of chili powder (note that I approximate because you'll want to season to your taste, and I added a little bit more at the end of cooking)

4-6 tablespoons of cumin

1-2 tablespoons seasoning salt (I used Tony's Original Creole Seasoning salt)

4 teaspoons of cayenne (less if you don't want it too spicy)

4 28 oz cans of crushed tomatoes (I accidentally bought crushed instead of diced, but it worked pretty good)

12-14 cups of pre-soaked dried beans (about 3 lbs of beans. I used red kidney and white beans, soak in water over night, then rinse.)

2 cubes of beef bullion (enough to add 4 cups of water to when making broth, but you're just dropping the cubes in the bubbling chili)

I divided all ingredients in half and worked in batches. 

Combine ground turkey and italian sausage in skillet, crumble and fry until cooked through (trust me, cooking 1/2 the meat is a lot easier!) In your large cooking pot, heat up olive oil and sauté half of the onions, celery, bell pepper and garlic until onions are translucent and celery leaves smell awesome! Add 1/2 the cans of jalapeño and green chiles and cook for a few minutes more. Add half of the seasonings, stirring and coating vegetables. Add meat, 6-7 cups of beans, then 2 cans of tomatoes to each batch. Rinse 1 tomato can with water, keeping water to rinse other can, filling with water to get the tomato bits. Add that water to the chili mixture. Add another 1/2 can of water, if more liquid is needed. Toss in the beef bullion cubes. Bring mixture to a boil, stirring occasionally. Turn stove to simmer and cover pot. Simmer for 1 1/2 hours, stirring occasionally. 

Olga let me borrow her mom's tamale pot so when I finished combining the batches, I put all of it in the huge pot for the long simmer. 

By the way, I made this day before-wise choice! 

How's that for my first recipe?

May I have your attention please?

We are right in the middle of tax season. You know what that means: On every main street corner you will see a person dressed up in a Statue of Liberty costume holding a sign that reads something like "tax returns completed here!" or "Free e-file tax return here!" The sign is long, and the person has to hold it and dance with it, just like Lady Liberty would, or I assume she would if she was holding that sign. (I have a feeling that she would have nothing to do with it). Mr. or Miss Liberty's job is to get your attention and get you to think about going to where ever that arrow sign is pointing to get your taxes done there.

As I was driving in my car today, I think I counted six of them on various corners throughout town and I began thinking about what God does to get our attention.  How many wake up calls have you had in your life? I know I've had quite a few and I could go on about what God does to get our attention. But that's just way too easy.

You know that theory about people doing whatever it takes to get other people's attention? You know, that "bad attention is better than no attention"? I remember falling into that trap while raising my children. Privileges constantly get taken away because homework isn't done, or the same misbehavior happens so the same consequences are given. At one point, I changed the way I gave attention, finding ways to give praise. Even saying please and thank you to my kids seemed to make a difference. Telling them I love them more, hugging, kissing and forgiving them made a difference. Sure, there were still consequences, but my attitude was different about those consequences.

Here's another thought: What if we were the sign holder and had to act silly to get God's attention? Think about it. What if we had to do whatever it takes, act out, misbehave, yell and scream (or dance silly for that matter) to get God's attention?

Guess what: We have God's attention all the the time. Forever. He is paying attention. When we feel like we don't matter to anyone, we matter to Him. When we don't feel loved, He loves us. He is there for us 24/7. When we screw up, we still pay the consequences, but He's still watching over us. What do we have to do to get God's attention? Absolutely nothing. We already have it. We will always have God's attention.

And I think He enjoys it when I dance silly. (But I'm not putting the Statue of Liberty costume on!)

Valentine's Day

There's a consensus out there that single people don't care too much for Valentine's Day. After all, Valentine's day is for lovers, sweethearts and mushy stuff that you must have someone special to share it with, right? I used to think so. Don't get me wrong- I was one of those people, especially when I was very young, who dreaded Valentine's day if I didn't have someone special in my life. Now I just see it and think about it differently. I've always been a romantic (did I just admit that on my blog? What am I thinking?) and adore love stories, happily every after, and all that kind of stuff. So why can't I embrace that and how wonderful it is, no matter where I'm at in my life? Last year I posted my favorite "love stuff" on Facebook and I am in the process of doing the same thing today. I just posted the clip from the movie "Pirates of the Caribbean At World's End" where Barbosa marries Will and Elizabeth while in the midst of a pirate battle as the BEST WEDDING EVER!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfkIlvtybWg&feature=share

We all know there are many kinds of love. There's been so much done about love that it's a little confusing. I think it's pretty simple. Either it's there, or it isn't. I have learned that no matter what love is, or how many kinds of love there is, love is wonderful. Love at first sight? Yes, I believe in it. Has it happened to me before? Yes. 

It happened to me the day I met my daughter, Jennifer. I wasn't her mom then, in fact, she was about to become my little preschool student. I looked into her eyes and just knew that somehow she was going to be part of my life and I fell in love with her. I began praying for her, and her daddy. Throughout most of her childhood, she would tell people that "my mommy loved me before she loved my daddy." God gave me the privilege of becoming her mommy and loving her for the rest of her life. It hasn't been pretty and we've seen some pretty dark times, but the love has never faltered. The reward in this is that Jennifer has the kindest heart and is the most loving person I know.

Because of that love, I've learned that love is to be embraced and cherished. Even as a single person I can still look at romantic love and smile. As a parent, I look at my children and thank God for the love that has brought us through ups and downs and keeps us a family. As a friend, I am willing to open my heart and love others for who they are. As a person, I love others because God first loved me and will always love me, no matter what. 

So today, I celebrate Valentine's Day as it should be celebrated. Embracing and enjoying love. I think chocolate may be involved too.

Right now, this is me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AJmKkU5POA&ob=av2e