I am a decision maker. I usually don't have a hard time making decisions. I look at the facts, weigh the pros and cons, or think about what I want, or need, or what's best (usually) and decide. Which is what I'm currently in the middle of right now. Deciding on what university to attend this Spring. Last August I applied to three CSUs and received rejection letters from 2 of them. The letters didn't surprise me because I'm finishing a transferrable math class right now and all CSUs had notices that they would only take transcripts up to last Summer, which meant I would have to wait until Fall. No problem, I just planned another semester at city college and I'll be ready. Then I received an email from CSU #1 that they are reconsidering my application and would take my fall transcripts. A letter from the other CSU #2 said the same thing, and a phone call to CSU #3-the same thing.
You'd think this decision would be easy. It's not. You see, this is my first time attending university and, well...it's a little ovewhelming. I've been losing sleep over this! The last couple of days have been a little easier. I decided no to CSU #2-way to crowded and my major-English Education/secondary teaching credential-is impacted.
So...there's #1 and #3. Both have equally quality programs. I visited #3 last week and I really like the campus, met the department heads and was impressed. I visit #1 next week. Hopefully putting off this decision until then won't make me nuts.
By the way, CSU #1 has officially accepted my application for admission. I just have to officially accept the offer.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
The Face...
I've probably mentioned this before, but I think I'm changing my attitude a little bit about this subject. The subject of "The Face."
If you know me well, you've heard me complain about having "the face." The face that says, "ask me, I know the answer." You know what I mean: I go into the grocery store in my sweats and a yucky pony tail and someone comes up to me and asks if I know where the chips are. It happens all the time. I previously blogged about a man who sat next to me at the beach and just started a conversation. It happens all the time. I'll be standing in line at the atm and the person in front of me tells me her life story. It happens all the time. And me, in my selfishness, gets annoyed with this. I've included a link to a song by Brandon Heath, a very talented Christian pop artist. I've heard this song before, but something hit me this time: maybe I have "The face" for a reason. Maybe I'm supposed to be that person who has the eyes to see when someone is in need, or be that person who is there when no one else is. After all, is it really taking something away from me by simply showing someone where the chips are?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5AkNqLuVgY&feature=player_embedded
ps. special thanks to Nicole
If you know me well, you've heard me complain about having "the face." The face that says, "ask me, I know the answer." You know what I mean: I go into the grocery store in my sweats and a yucky pony tail and someone comes up to me and asks if I know where the chips are. It happens all the time. I previously blogged about a man who sat next to me at the beach and just started a conversation. It happens all the time. I'll be standing in line at the atm and the person in front of me tells me her life story. It happens all the time. And me, in my selfishness, gets annoyed with this. I've included a link to a song by Brandon Heath, a very talented Christian pop artist. I've heard this song before, but something hit me this time: maybe I have "The face" for a reason. Maybe I'm supposed to be that person who has the eyes to see when someone is in need, or be that person who is there when no one else is. After all, is it really taking something away from me by simply showing someone where the chips are?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5AkNqLuVgY&feature=player_embedded
ps. special thanks to Nicole
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
10 Years
Exactly 10 years ago today I made the most difficult, painful and heart-breaking decision I've ever made in my entire life. I ended my marriage. I'm not even sure why I need to share this, and I'm not going into why the marriage ended, my feelings on divorce, what it does to a family, blah, blah, blah. We've all heard it. What I will share is what I have learned:
1) Psalm 147:3-"He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds." Yes, God heals. I read this verse about 3 months after the split up and cried out and thanked God that He IS there to comfort me, to give peace to a heart full of turmoil, and realized that healing takes time. It is still my favorite verse.
2) Relationships are NOT about what you will get out them, it's about what you give to them. I know what I have to offer as a mother, daughter, auntie, friend, teacher, grandmother, girlfriend and wife. I give everything I'm capable of, what God gives me the ability to give. I could get psychological and talk about boundaries, etc...but that's not the point.
3) Forgiveness is not the act of the one who needs to be forgiven, it's the act of the one who needs to forgive. Does that make sense? Think about it: God gave us the gift of Jesus Christ-He died on the cross for our sins, rose again. He died and lives so that we may be forgiven and live in Heaven. He forgave us before we even asked for it. All we have to do is accept the forgiveness. And if God has forgiven my sins, forgiven me of every stupid, crazy, horrible thing I've ever done, or thought of doing, then tell me how... HOW can I not forgive others? Even before they ask for forgiveness? Yes, even BEFORE they apologize. Many years ago, when that hit me between the eyes, when I made the conscious choice to forgive, it felt like this humongous burden of bitterness and anger was lifted. Remember, it's an active choice-sometimes a choice I had to remind myself of every single minute of the day. I didn't say it was easy.
There's more, but it's late and I'm hoping the above doesn't read like gibberish. I could share about raising 2 boys, communication, honesty, trust, letting go...but then this would take forever. Maybe later. I leave with this: I have this card framed in my room. The picture is of a girl at a crossroads and the heading reads: "Don't Look Back." I took that to read "Look Forward" and I hope I still do. A friend use to say "past is past is past." It's behind me. Yes, there's repercussions, consequences, but I can face those, and move forward wiser, better, with God, hope, and wonderful family and friends by my side.
1) Psalm 147:3-"He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds." Yes, God heals. I read this verse about 3 months after the split up and cried out and thanked God that He IS there to comfort me, to give peace to a heart full of turmoil, and realized that healing takes time. It is still my favorite verse.
2) Relationships are NOT about what you will get out them, it's about what you give to them. I know what I have to offer as a mother, daughter, auntie, friend, teacher, grandmother, girlfriend and wife. I give everything I'm capable of, what God gives me the ability to give. I could get psychological and talk about boundaries, etc...but that's not the point.
3) Forgiveness is not the act of the one who needs to be forgiven, it's the act of the one who needs to forgive. Does that make sense? Think about it: God gave us the gift of Jesus Christ-He died on the cross for our sins, rose again. He died and lives so that we may be forgiven and live in Heaven. He forgave us before we even asked for it. All we have to do is accept the forgiveness. And if God has forgiven my sins, forgiven me of every stupid, crazy, horrible thing I've ever done, or thought of doing, then tell me how... HOW can I not forgive others? Even before they ask for forgiveness? Yes, even BEFORE they apologize. Many years ago, when that hit me between the eyes, when I made the conscious choice to forgive, it felt like this humongous burden of bitterness and anger was lifted. Remember, it's an active choice-sometimes a choice I had to remind myself of every single minute of the day. I didn't say it was easy.
There's more, but it's late and I'm hoping the above doesn't read like gibberish. I could share about raising 2 boys, communication, honesty, trust, letting go...but then this would take forever. Maybe later. I leave with this: I have this card framed in my room. The picture is of a girl at a crossroads and the heading reads: "Don't Look Back." I took that to read "Look Forward" and I hope I still do. A friend use to say "past is past is past." It's behind me. Yes, there's repercussions, consequences, but I can face those, and move forward wiser, better, with God, hope, and wonderful family and friends by my side.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Chicken
I'm driving my car this afternoon and ahead of me was a beautiful convertible Sebring-one of my favorite cars. I drove up next to it and notice the driver-an attractive man. Ok, he was an extremely good-looking man and I took a second look...and a third look. Opportunity knocks: we're both pulling up to the stoplight, he's in the next lane over, a little bit behind me and I decide I'm going to smile at him as soon as he gets close enough. I look in my rear view mirror and glimpse my hair-my unkempt, clipped up mess-and chicken out. The light turns green, I speed up, he drives away.
If you're one of my closest friends, you'll be in shocked disbelief. What, me? Not smile? Impossible! Me chicken out? Yeah, I couldn't believe it either-but you should have seen my hair!
If you're one of my closest friends, you'll be in shocked disbelief. What, me? Not smile? Impossible! Me chicken out? Yeah, I couldn't believe it either-but you should have seen my hair!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
I'm not poor...
In an effort to do something productive and not waste time on my fake cafes, I'll tell you a story. The bonus is: it's a true story. At the end, well...there really is no ending, but I'll leave you to ponder the meaning of the story. Here we go:
A few weeks ago I was at my favorite spot at the beach, sitting alone on a bench on the cliff above. After just a few minutes a tall, gray haired, old man, with a garden hoe in his hand, asked if he could sit and empty the sand in his shoes. Of course I said "of course." As soon as he sat down, he lightly complained about the sand in his shoes, showed me the small trace of sand, shook his shoe, then proved to me that there's more sand in there than we thought there was. He put his shoe back on, sighed and said, "Now for the question of the day, are you ready?"
"Why not" I thought. So I said to him "I guess I am."
And he proceeded: "What is the difference between being broke, and being poor?"
Saturday, September 25, 2010
It's late...
I started this blog to write about my adventure in going back to college, but I discovered something: I don't like to write. Here I am, an English major, working to become an English Teacher, and I don't really like to write. I'm not sure why. I don't know if it's because I'm super critical of my writing-most writers are, but, in an effort to boost my own ego, I'll share with you that I had a proffessor tell me that most "good writers" are super-critical of their writing. I take that as a compliment to me, and my writing, but I'm sure she just meant in general. Anyway, what I do like, or rather, thoroughly love with all of my being, is reading. I must have a book to read, always. It sounds crazy, but I even enjoy reading my textbooks. That is why I want to be an English Teacher: the written word. Reading. Reading is where it all begins. It's how we learn to express ourselves, talk, problem solve, and...write (not to mention spell correctly)
At this point, I'll try to blog more. Simply because I've wasted tons of time playing stupid games and things on Facebook, etc...Don't get me wrong, I love keeping in touch with friends and family on Facebook, email, etc...but how many fake cafes can 1 person have?
At this point, I'll try to blog more. Simply because I've wasted tons of time playing stupid games and things on Facebook, etc...Don't get me wrong, I love keeping in touch with friends and family on Facebook, email, etc...but how many fake cafes can 1 person have?
Monday, January 11, 2010
Physical Anthropology & Unemployment
I need one more social science class so I registered for Physical Anthropology. I am taking this class for two reasons:
1) It begins at 8am. I thought I'd work on my self-discipline by having a reason to set the alarm, get up and start my day early. Having a morning class seemed like a good way to do this.
2) My oldest friend ever (in fact, I always say we've known each other since before we were born because our parents were friends when they were young marrieds/new parents) had to take Phys Anthro and complained about studying animals and having to waste time at the zoo, watching monkeys for an hour, and writing a paper on it. I still don't know why she didn't like the class-that sounds like fun to me! This was a class I definitely had to take! She wanted me to finish her class for her. She lives in another state.
My Phys Anthro adventure began this morning. Right in the middle of the syllabus is the exciting "outside assignment". I get to go to the zoo and look at monkeys for an hour and write a 4 page paper! (Hello! English major! Piece of cake!) I can't wait!
The Professor takes the last half of the class to allow the students to introduce themselves (ok, am I just really that old, or do all college classes do this now?) and I notice a trend in the students. At least every other student, if not more, is unemployed. When it's my turn to introduce myself it hits me. I've been unemployed for exactly 1 year and 2 days. This really wasn't part of my plan at all-to be unemployed this long. It was quite a disheartening moment. The last time I was unemployed was over 9 years ago when my boys and I moved back home-and it only took me 3 months to get a job.
I definitely don't want to be out of work for another year, and need to consider my options for employment-now, but when these disheartening moments occur I look back at a bible verse and note I posted on my facebook last summer. Here's an excerpt of the note:
" John 14:22-'Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.' Whoa! He gives me peace! God wants to give me peace so my troubled heart is calmed and my fear subsides! Years ago I learned that some things (like the action of forgiveness) I have to remind myself to do, or think, sometimes every second of the day before it sinks in. This is today's "thing". This will be the "thing" for a long time. Keeping God's peace in my troubled, fearful heart while I'm on my first mission trip (in almost 30 years), while I begin college in a few weeks, while I look for a job, while I parent my almost 18 year old son, and while I strive to be the leader/ friend/ sister/auntie/daughter/ granddaughter and whatever else that God wants me to be, and to keep doing the things that God wants me to do."
The hard part is waiting for God's timing in where He wants me. Right now it's at the zoo studying monkeys.
1) It begins at 8am. I thought I'd work on my self-discipline by having a reason to set the alarm, get up and start my day early. Having a morning class seemed like a good way to do this.
2) My oldest friend ever (in fact, I always say we've known each other since before we were born because our parents were friends when they were young marrieds/new parents) had to take Phys Anthro and complained about studying animals and having to waste time at the zoo, watching monkeys for an hour, and writing a paper on it. I still don't know why she didn't like the class-that sounds like fun to me! This was a class I definitely had to take! She wanted me to finish her class for her. She lives in another state.
My Phys Anthro adventure began this morning. Right in the middle of the syllabus is the exciting "outside assignment". I get to go to the zoo and look at monkeys for an hour and write a 4 page paper! (Hello! English major! Piece of cake!) I can't wait!
The Professor takes the last half of the class to allow the students to introduce themselves (ok, am I just really that old, or do all college classes do this now?) and I notice a trend in the students. At least every other student, if not more, is unemployed. When it's my turn to introduce myself it hits me. I've been unemployed for exactly 1 year and 2 days. This really wasn't part of my plan at all-to be unemployed this long. It was quite a disheartening moment. The last time I was unemployed was over 9 years ago when my boys and I moved back home-and it only took me 3 months to get a job.
I definitely don't want to be out of work for another year, and need to consider my options for employment-now, but when these disheartening moments occur I look back at a bible verse and note I posted on my facebook last summer. Here's an excerpt of the note:
" John 14:22-'Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.' Whoa! He gives me peace! God wants to give me peace so my troubled heart is calmed and my fear subsides! Years ago I learned that some things (like the action of forgiveness) I have to remind myself to do, or think, sometimes every second of the day before it sinks in. This is today's "thing". This will be the "thing" for a long time. Keeping God's peace in my troubled, fearful heart while I'm on my first mission trip (in almost 30 years), while I begin college in a few weeks, while I look for a job, while I parent my almost 18 year old son, and while I strive to be the leader/ friend/ sister/auntie/daughter/ granddaughter and whatever else that God wants me to be, and to keep doing the things that God wants me to do."
The hard part is waiting for God's timing in where He wants me. Right now it's at the zoo studying monkeys.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Winter Break
Being jobless for almost a year can change perspectives on things. Sure, there are the obvious things: health care, spending, budgeting, etc...Now that I am back at school, I had the opportunity to enjoy an aspect of student life I have not had in many years. The Winter Break. Three glorious weeks of sleeping in, waffles for breakfast, and maybe something constructive, as in cleaning out my closet (not to mention cooking and baking). Mission accomplished-even cleaned the closet and found 20 pairs of worn-out black loafers-work shoes for the last few years.
Did I mention this is also the best time to get sick? Oh yeah! Talk about the cold and flu crashing the vacation party. We played the chills/sweat game for a few days, and the gamut of sore throat, cough, congestion...well, you get the picture. Yes, I should be glad that it happened now instead of during school, but why does it always overstay its welcome? I don't even have the energy to put the shoes back in my closet! Ok, I'm done whining. After all, I'm finally feeling a little better and glad of it. School begins again.
In TWO Days...
Did I mention this is also the best time to get sick? Oh yeah! Talk about the cold and flu crashing the vacation party. We played the chills/sweat game for a few days, and the gamut of sore throat, cough, congestion...well, you get the picture. Yes, I should be glad that it happened now instead of during school, but why does it always overstay its welcome? I don't even have the energy to put the shoes back in my closet! Ok, I'm done whining. After all, I'm finally feeling a little better and glad of it. School begins again.
In TWO Days...
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