Kindergarten

I know this is so ridiculously silly, but I feel like I'm starting kindergarten all over again! I am very excited about jumping into finishing my English degree, but I'm also feeling more nervous about my first day at a a new school. A bigger (HUGE!) school, all new people, new professors, new...everything! Yes-it feels like I'm starting Kindergarten all over again! Wait, didn't I just say that?

Ok, ok, I know what you're going to say, so let me thank you before you say it. I know I'll be fine, I know that once I get there I'll do well, and I'll meet new people, and it will be great!

Isn't that what our parents said to us before our first day of Kindergarten?  On the plus side: At least I'm not 5 years old again.

Do you remember your first day of Kindergarten? I remember when all 3 of my children started Kindergarten. None of them cried, and I didn't have to reassure them either. My daughter had been in preschool before and she's the kind of person that just looks at someone and is instant friends. I gave her a hug and a kiss and she ran off. My oldest son couldn't wait to go to school just like his big sister. He wriggled out of my arms and wouldn't even kiss me good-bye. My youngest son-the same thing: wanted to be like his big brother, but at least I got a hug and a kiss before he ran off.

Ok, now I'm really getting nervous. Maybe I can get one of my kids, or my mommy, to take me to my first class and drop me off with a kiss and hug.

What is a Titan?

In case you're wondering, I finally decided which university to attend. I had the pleasant surprise of being accepted to all 3 CSUs that were close by-pretty cool. In exactly one week from today I will be attending classes at CSU Fullerton!

Go Titans! Yep, I am a Titan. So, I was thinking-what exactly is a "titan?" In my Mythology class last spring I was fascinated by the history of Greek mythology and the small role the gods-the Titans-play in mythology. My favorite is Prometheus. I even wrote a paper on Prometheus for my mythology class-and got an A on it. I could go on about the story of Prometheus, but I'll leave that for another blog, if you're interested.

One day I just googled: "What is a Titan?" and came up with some interesting information, especially on wikipedia:
Did you know:
There a Star Trek novel series titled "Titan."
Gustav Mahler's Symphony No. 1 in D major is nicknamed Titan.
The USNS Titan is a ship in the U.S. Navy.
The Titan Beetle is the largest beetle in the Amazon rainforest.
Titan is a variety of sunflower.

Here's another interesting tidbit: CSU Fullerton's mascot is not some gorgeous hunk of a Greek god. It's an elephant. Something to do with some elephant race many years ago. If you're interested, here's the link to the elephant story:
http://www.fullertontitans.com/trads/csfu-trads.html

Decisions

I am a decision maker. I usually don't have a hard time making decisions. I look at the facts, weigh the pros and cons, or think about what I want, or need, or what's best (usually) and decide. Which is what I'm currently in the middle of right now. Deciding on what university to attend this Spring. Last August I applied to three CSUs and received rejection letters from 2 of them. The letters didn't surprise me because I'm finishing a transferrable math class right now and all CSUs had notices that they would only take transcripts up to last Summer, which meant I would have to wait until Fall. No problem, I just planned another semester at city college and I'll be ready. Then I received an email from CSU #1 that they are reconsidering my application and would take my fall transcripts. A letter from the other CSU #2 said the same thing, and a phone call to CSU #3-the same thing.

You'd think this decision would be easy. It's not. You see, this is my first time attending university and, well...it's a little ovewhelming.  I've been losing sleep over this! The last couple of days have been a little easier. I decided no to CSU #2-way to crowded and my major-English Education/secondary teaching credential-is impacted.

So...there's #1 and #3. Both have equally quality programs. I visited #3 last week and I really like the campus, met the department heads and was impressed. I visit #1 next week. Hopefully putting off this decision until then won't make me nuts.

By the way, CSU #1 has officially accepted my application for admission. I just have to officially accept the offer.

The Face...

I've probably mentioned this before, but I think I'm changing my attitude a little bit about this subject. The subject of "The Face."

If you know me well, you've heard me complain about having "the face." The face that says, "ask me, I know the answer." You know what I mean: I go into the grocery store in my sweats and a yucky pony tail and someone comes up to me and asks if I know where the chips are. It happens all the time. I previously blogged about a man who sat next to me at the beach and just started a conversation. It happens all the time. I'll be standing in line at the atm and the person in front of me tells me her life story. It happens all the time. And me, in my selfishness, gets annoyed with this. I've included a link to a song by Brandon Heath, a very talented Christian pop artist. I've heard this song before, but something hit me this time: maybe I have "The face" for a reason. Maybe I'm supposed to be that person who has the eyes to see when someone is in need, or be that person who is there when no one else is. After all, is it really taking something away from me by simply showing someone where the chips are?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5AkNqLuVgY&feature=player_embedded

ps. special thanks to Nicole

10 Years

Exactly 10 years ago today I made the most difficult, painful and heart-breaking decision I've ever made in my entire life. I ended my marriage. I'm not even sure why I need to share this, and I'm not going into why the marriage ended, my feelings on divorce, what it does to a family, blah, blah, blah. We've all heard it. What I will share is what I have learned:

1) Psalm 147:3-"He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds." Yes, God heals. I read this verse about 3 months after the split up and cried out and thanked God that He IS there to comfort me, to give peace to a heart full of turmoil, and realized that healing takes time. It is still my favorite verse.

2) Relationships are NOT about what you will get out them, it's about what you give to them. I know what  I have to offer as a mother, daughter, auntie, friend, teacher, grandmother, girlfriend and wife. I give everything I'm capable of, what God gives me the ability to give. I could get psychological and talk about boundaries, etc...but that's not the point.

3) Forgiveness is not the act of the one who needs to be forgiven, it's the act of the one who needs to forgive. Does that make sense? Think about it: God gave us the gift of Jesus Christ-He died on the cross for our sins, rose again. He died and lives so that we may be forgiven and live in Heaven. He forgave us before we even asked for it. All we have to do is accept the forgiveness. And if God has forgiven my sins, forgiven me of every stupid, crazy, horrible thing I've ever done, or thought of doing, then tell me how... HOW can I not forgive others? Even before they ask for forgiveness? Yes, even BEFORE they apologize. Many years ago, when that hit me between the eyes, when I made the conscious choice to forgive, it felt like this humongous burden of bitterness and anger was lifted. Remember, it's an active choice-sometimes a choice I had to remind myself of every single minute of the day. I didn't say it was easy.

There's more, but it's late and I'm hoping the above doesn't read like gibberish. I could share about raising 2 boys, communication, honesty, trust, letting go...but then this would take forever. Maybe later. I leave with this: I have this card framed in my room. The picture is of a girl at a crossroads and the heading reads: "Don't Look Back." I took that to read "Look Forward" and I hope I still do. A friend use to say "past is past is past." It's behind me. Yes, there's repercussions, consequences, but I can face those, and move forward wiser, better, with God, hope, and wonderful family and friends by my side.

Chicken

I'm driving my car this afternoon and ahead of me was a beautiful convertible Sebring-one of my favorite cars. I drove up next to it and notice the driver-an attractive man. Ok, he was an extremely good-looking man and I took a second look...and a third look. Opportunity knocks: we're both pulling up to the stoplight, he's in the next lane over, a little bit behind me and I decide I'm going to smile at him as soon as he gets close enough. I look in my rear view mirror and glimpse my hair-my unkempt, clipped up mess-and chicken out. The light turns green, I speed up, he drives away.

If you're one of my closest friends, you'll be in shocked disbelief. What, me? Not smile? Impossible! Me chicken out? Yeah, I couldn't believe it either-but you should have seen my hair!

I'm not poor...

In an effort to do something productive and not waste time on my fake cafes, I'll tell you a story. The bonus is: it's a true story. At the end, well...there really is no ending, but I'll leave you to ponder the meaning of the story. Here we go:

A few weeks ago I was at my favorite spot at the beach, sitting alone on a bench on the cliff above. After just a few minutes a tall, gray haired, old man, with a garden hoe in his hand, asked if he could sit and empty the sand in his shoes. Of course I said "of course." As soon as he sat down, he lightly complained about the sand in his shoes, showed me the small trace of sand, shook his shoe, then proved to me that there's more sand in there than we thought there was. He put his shoe back on, sighed and said, "Now for the question of the day, are you ready?"

"Why not" I thought. So I said to him "I guess I am."

And he proceeded: "What is the difference between being broke, and being poor?"

I said the first thing that came to my mind: "Being broke is a physical fact. If you're broke, you're broke. Either you have money, or you don't. If you're broke, you can eventually get un-broke. Being poor is a choice, a state of mind, a feeling." He smiled at me and said, "You're right-and that's the best answer I've heard all day. You know, you can go into a restaurant and have a burger and enjoy it, a millionare can also go into that same restaurant, have the same burger, and not enjoy it." Then he proceeded to give me a short rendition of his life story, introduced himself, shook my hand, and left.